


i know if i were you, i'd hate me

by crud



Series: mcyt [10]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Apologies, Bad Decisions, Clay | Dream Gets a Hug, Clay | Dream Needs A Hug, Cold, Gen, GeorgeNotFound is a Good Friend, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Isolation, Running Away, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Exile, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, dream fucking dips after the war happens bc he feels bad for his actions, everyone else is there but no one else speaks, i wrote most of this while falling asleep at my keyboard and finished it this morning when i woke up, sapnap is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27895000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crud/pseuds/crud
Summary: surely he must be some kind of monster, to have done the things that he did?--AKA dream feels guilty after the conclusion of the most recent dsmp arc (the exile & aftermath) and runs away to live alone, away from everyone else.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & Sapnap, GeorgeNotFound & SapNap
Series: mcyt [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010730
Comments: 11
Kudos: 374
Collections: Download fics





	1. i hope that you do not

**Author's Note:**

> hey !! i'm very tired while writing this, but i am a dream apologist so here !! have this fic, don't be shy ;)))
> 
> i love the thought of dream just wanting to protect his friends, and he always sees them as his friends even when they're on opposite sides of the battlefield, always trusts and loves them, even if they don't realize and don't feel the same way about him. if he actually hated them, he would just unwhitelist them, but he can't bring himself to because he cares about them too much :(
> 
> visit me on twitter @ patroiocus !! feel free to dm me, i don't mind :)

It was cold, at the top.

Without Sapnap, without George. Was there anyone left for him?

Punz had stopped visiting a while back, as had Bad, and everyone who had claimed to be neutral had still avoided him, had aided the others.

Was he really so wrong?

Was he some kind of monster?

He had his reasons, he did. They were good ones too, he thought. They almost made it all worth it.

He wondered if the others even knew where he was, anymore.

Did they bother to keep tabs on him?   
He’d won, he’d set his terms, and he’d disappeared. They must have known he was still around, right? He must have been some kind of monster, then.

All these people, his oldest friends, and not a single cared enough to wonder where he’d been all those months. How would his voice sound if he tried to speak? He hadn’t heard his own voice in weeks.

Tommy was picking less fights, without him there. He’d mended his friendship with Tubbo, had strengthened his ties with the rest of the server. It would be wrong for him to reveal himself to the others, they were his  _ friends _ , even if they didn’t feel the same way about him. 

They all seemed so  _ happy _ without him, was the thing. Certainly happier than he could remember them being when he had been around, wreaking havoc and destroying everything they loved.

Did they even know he loved them all, even at the end?

He swore the power hadn’t gotten to his head. It would have long ago if that were the case, he had had that power for years and he knew how to be responsible. He was just protecting the people that mattered most to him in the only way he saw possible. Why couldn’t they see that? Was he too cryptic? Too subtle?

He loved them all. Surely they must know that they wouldn’t even be in his world unless he allowed them to be? Surely they knew he didn’t hate any of them?

He hid in the forests, these days. The densest part of the dark oak forests, away from everyone, though he’d watch over them all. His little cottage was well hidden, and he knew no one would ever find him.

It was for the best. He probably didn’t deserve their company anyway.

They probably didn’t want his company anyway.

He got handy with a carving knife, creating little wooden figurines of animals he’d see roaming the woods.

He got used to the ambient noise of the woods, the silence of the nights.

Then, one day, the noises changed, and he looked out his window to see the people he had been trying to protect the most.

They looked back at him, one with wide, white-rimmed goggles over his eyes and the other with a white bandana holding up his hair.

They all stared at one another, silent, shocked, unsure how to proceed, then:

“Dream?” George asked, voice shaking, hands shaking, everything shaking as far as Dream could tell. Sapnap took a step away, pulled George with him.

“What are you doing here, Dream?” Sapnap bit out at him, a glare on his face that didn’t sit quite right. And Dream wanted to reply, to open his mouth and say he got as far from the others as he could, gave them as much space as he could, but when he tried to speak all that came out was a low rasp, scratching against the inside of his throat and sending him into a coughing fit, stumbling away from the window to gulp down a bottle of water. When he returned to the window, they were closer to him, concern evident in the sets of their brows and the clench of the jaws.

Sapnap hesitated, visibly, stepped up to the window with George trailing behind him. “...Dream?” Dream did his best to muster up a smile, opened his mouth to speak again.

“I–” He choked, throat burning and voice hoarse, no louder than a whisper. He pressed a hand to his throat, ran back into his home, came back with a book & quill. In it, he wrote:  _ I missed you two. _

George gasped, stepping up to the window next to Sapnap. “What  _ are _ you doing here, Dream? You’ve been missing for months.”

_ Ran. Didn’t want to be around you all. _ He wrote.  _ Would just ruin things again. _ He shrugged, as if it was an inevitability, and George bit his lip, hard, while Sapnap slowly let out a shuddering breath.

“ _ Why _ , Dream?” Sapnap leaned his forehead against the window.

Dream hesitated, glanced away into his cold, cold cottage filled with everything he owned and nothing he cared about.  _ For the best. I deserved it. _

George closed his eyes, looking like he wanted to disagree. “...Can we come in, Dream?” Dream nodded ( _ who was he to refuse them anything? _ ) and they filed in, the three making themselves at home on Dream’s shabby little makeshift couch in front of his unlit fireplace. 

His eyes burned. 

He ignored it.

They sat in silence for a while, none sure what to say, then:

“Why didn’t you ever come back?” Sapnap asked.

_ You all seemed happier without me.  _ He smiled, sadly, swallowed against the lump in his throat.  _ I couldn’t get in the way of that. Not after everything _ .

George shook his head, but otherwise didn’t disagree with him. “Why did you fight so hard in the first place? Why did you turn on everyone?”   
This time, Dream spoke, the rasp of his voice feeling like knives tearing apart his throat, making him want to curl in on himself, but he kept his eyes trained on them. “You two.” His voice was low, hoarse, barely audible, but it was the best he could do. “Had to keep you two safe.” Were there tears in his eyes? He pretended not to notice.

“Dream…” Sapnap started, his lips pressed together, pain in his eyes and guilt present in the gritting of his teeth, the furrow of his brow. “Come back with us?” Dream immediately shook his head, frantic, tried to lean away only for George to grab his arm and tug him back, towards the two of them, and for a horrible moment he thought he was going to be punched, or thrown to the floor, but was instead pulled into a hug.

He froze. It was warm, in their arms. His throat still hurt and screamed at him, and there was a horrible collection of feelings in the pit of his stomach that felt an awful lot like guilt and fear, but it was warm. 

When was the last time he had been so warm?

He shoved his face into someone’s shoulder, wasn’t sure whose, but it was quickly made damp from the poorly repressed tears streaming down his face. 

“I missed you,” He whispered to the room at large, his throat screaming for him to stop speaking, warm for the first time in months, maybe longer, maybe since before his self-imposed exile. 

“Then come back with us, Dream,” Dream heard George whisper to his, felt a soft kiss be pressed to his hair, and his next breath shattered into a sob even as he shook his head.

“No,” he rasped. “No, I– I can’t. I can’t do that to them, I– they deserve better.” He felt Sapnap shake his head, heard George sigh above him, disappointed but fond.

“One day? When you’re ready?” Dream nodded, and felt George’s smile against his hair. “Good. We’ll visit, until then.”

“Why?”

“Hm?”

“Why would you visit?”

Sapnap snorted, leaned away from him for a second, returned when he startled so harshly at the sudden cold at his back that he nearly dislodged George. Sapnap flicked the side of his head. “We missed you too, idiot.”


	2. i don't deserve you at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 extra scenes, after the events of the oneshot
> 
> \- george and sapnap tell the rest that they found dream
> 
> \- dream practices talking
> 
> \- dream returns to the smp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA i dont usually do extra scenes but i had ideas and motivation so . HELLO .

BONUS   
  
Sapnap and George returned to the Dream SMP in the afternoon the next day, when everyone was huddled in the community house, laughing together at some board game they were playing. They pretended not to notice when the building fell silent as they walked across the main room to the small board hung on the wall, just labelled “MISSING PERSONS” with only Dream’s name listed below it. Quietly, they removed his name from the sign, ignoring the gasps and whispers of the others. 

The room was silent, once again, before George started laughing, quietly, a little hysterically. “We actually did it. We found him.” And the room erupted into noise once again, people clambering over each other to hear what happened, only for Sapnap to make them fall silent again with a single sentence.

“He doesn’t want to come back.

  
  
  


BONUS 2

The next time George and Sapnap visited the clearing where Dream’s cold little cottage resided, Dream was already outside, chopping wood with his old netherite axe he’d sworn, ages ago, would be used only for combat. When he finally noticed them, his head snapped up, and a giant smile stretched across his lips, visible just below his mask. 

“You’re here!” Dream yelled– or tried to yell. It was more of a grating whisper, rough around the edges and just slightly louder in the middle. He visibly winced, grabbed at his throat, but he looked proud of himself, for some reason. 

“Dream!” shouted George, rushing over to wrap him in a hug, briefly. “You know you shouldn’t be speaking right now.” Sapnap, who had followed behind George, nodded, and Dream deflated. 

“But…” Dream was whispering, his voice almost sounding smooth at that volume, better than any of them had heard it for months. “I practiced. So I could show you.” They blinked at him, briefly, before letting out matching exasperated sighs.

“You’re so dumb, Dream,” George laughed. He reached a hand out, ruffled Dream’s hair, and both pretended their height difference didn’t make it an awkward angle.

Sapnap laughed as well, reaching down to hold Dream’s hand in his own. “We’re very proud of you, Dreamy. Baby’s first words!”

  
  
  


BONUS 3

A year after their weekly visits to Dream had started, George and Sapnap returned to the Community House practically buzzing with nervous energy, giant smiles stretched across their faces, and refusing to tell anyone why they were so excited as they sat down at the table with the rest.

“Just– Just be here next week! This time!” George said, giggling excitedly, his hand gripped in Sapnap’s.

“What? Why?” Fundy narrowed his eyes. “What are you two planning?”

Sapnap beamed at him, shook his head. “Nothing! Genuinely! We just have some good news, and a special delivery for you all next week!”

So, the next week, everyone was gathered in the community house, waiting for George and Sapnap to arrive, when the door slammed open.

George and Sapnap stood there, arguing with a figure standing behind them that they couldn’t quite see, nor could most of them really hear all that well. 

“Come on, Dream,” George whispered, tugging him forward with a roll of his eyes. “You’ve made it this far.”

“I just– I just think this is a bad idea!” His voice was still hoarse, was still quiet, but it was miles better than it had been a year before. “I haven’t seen them in so long, and, I mean, they probably hate me–”

“Do you really think we’d take you to a house of people who hated you? They missed you, Dream.” Sapnap scoffed at him, his volume normal instead of hushed like the other two, meaning everyone else in the room heard him.

“Wait– Pause! What the fuck!” Tommy yelled, stepping up to the arguing trio, making them fall silent. “...Dream?” The three people in the door froze, before George and Sapnap took Dream’s arms and shoved him forward, no longer hiding him from the group.

He looked out at them, nervous, and offered a shaky smile and a small wave. “Hey. Been a while.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed !! that's the end of this fic, sadly 

**Author's Note:**

> took a break from writing fluffy dnf to write dream having a mental breakdown EL OH EL . leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed, or if this made you feel anything lmfaoo.
> 
> this isn't really my usual writing style, so this was fun to do :)


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